I feel like sharing something ridiculous tonight, so here's something almost guaranteed to make you smile.
The original website has been taken down, but there are a few good copies, and I'm going to get one myself to keep for future rainy days when I need it.
Skippy is actually SPC Schwarz, and he was either very bored or very mischievous about things, managing to accumulate a list of 213 things that he is not allowed to do. Presumably, these are things no one is allowed to do, so please do not blame me if you're in the military and try one or more of these things. (It might just be me, but he reminds me of Hawkeye from M*A*S*H*, an old TV show that is rather awesome in my opinion.)
Just so you can understand why I love this list so much and why I can almost guarantee that it'll make you laugh.
2. My proper military title is ‘Specialist Schwarz’ not ‘Princess Anastasia’.
7. Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on Government time.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime’ campaign in Bosnia.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
That actually should be the last one on the list entirely, but I'll take it as the last one here. There are a lot more on the official list, linked below, so I'd really suggest going to look at them. Have fun, and I hope you laughed.
The Entire Lists:
Wild Boar Blog-- 213 Things Skippy is No longer allowed to do
Avalanche Company-- 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do
Professional Soldiers-- 213 things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do
Disclaimer: I am not suggesting anyone use any of these ideas and am not responsible for any trouble you or those around you may get into because of the knowledge of this list and the ideas within. If you want to write to me to blame me though, I might consider apologizing in return for a full story. Only if it's good though.
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